♥ “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” -E.M. Forester
This quote is the best way I can explain how I am feeling lately.
Since the last blog entry I have been an emotional wreck. My sister in law, who is younger and I just have to say immature is pregnant with her second. My nephewher first is 9 months younger than my son. She got pregnant the exact time that I orginally planned to over a year ago. What bothers me the most is the way they told us. On skype with my son sitting right there, they said nothing and expected us to read my nephews shirt about being a big brother, I acted excited but inside I was dying. And what killed me the mist was Carson. He acted sad and confused that Riley was a big brother. My family has been supportive when they want to, my mother and father don't understand how I feel. I guess the best way to explain it is that it really is like watching someone else live my dream. The dream about having a double stroller with 2 kids that I have had since I was 5. So when my mom mentioned that my sister in law got a double stroller it hit me in the hart, seems so silly but it did. I have really tried to be happy for them, but every time I log on Facebook she gas put something about being pregnant. There was one day there was 4 post in one day about her pregnancy and she keeps taking pics of the ultrasound with different scrap book styles. I think what makes it worse is that when they told us they were pregnant they talked about how it took 4 long months to get pregnant and that they were so worried when they thought she had twins.....had they just completely forgot what we've been through?!?! Not once did they call to see how I doing when everything wad going on, so I'm having a hard time calling her to se how she's doing with her pregnancy. My mom says I should go to counseling. So I could really use the advise to mommies out there who have been through this.. Thank u! Starting first clomid cycle today since our loss, so I am trying to start this cycle with positive thoughts, so just trying to work through this feeling of jealously that I don't want to have:-) I want to be happy for them....
Ps: sorry about the spelling errors, my phone wouldn't let me see after I typed. Just needed to get it all off my chest!! And I do love my family, it's just harder than I imagined..
ReplyDeleteUgh, I'm sorry that your family doesn't seem to understand what you've been through or your pain. It seems easier for families to be excited about the good things rather than be there for the tough stuff. My in-laws were awful after my first miscarriage and so excited for one of my sister in laws for her THIRD pregnancy.
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It seems like it's really really hard for most people to "get it." I'm sorry they've been so insensitive. I think that for some people it is literally impossible for them to understand what it feels like for you. I don't have any advice, just lots of hope for you.
ReplyDeletehi, just came across your blog. i can totally relate to what your saying. i think we may have the same sil :) it's so hard when you don't feel understood by your family. i worked really hard at accepting the fact that most people who haven't experienced loss or infertility just cannot understand the depths of pain that go with it. you are doing the right and polite thing by acting happy when they share their news with you. but when you are feeling sad, misunderstood and lonely take comfort int the people in your life who do 'get it.' good luck with your clomid cycle.
ReplyDeleteLadies your kind words and support have meant more than u know!! Thank u! Trying to stay positive!!! Can't believe I actually have some followers, exciting!
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