Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Well since my last post ive had my good and bad days. The day we put the crib in away that was a bad day, I balled and refused to clean it before it went in storage. The day I completely lost it at work uncontrollably crying, that was a bad day. This morning before I woke up I had a dream that everytime I think of it I burst out into tears. Have u ever had a dream that was so real you could hear, smell, and feel everything as if u are there? That's what this was. I dreamed that I was playing with my baby girl that looked just like Carson, she was about 6 months old and her room was the guest room in pink, I just kept running my fingers through her hair, and I could just feel with my hands her soft baby hair. I could feel her soft skin and could smell the beautiful just bathed baby smell. I was feeling so thankful for her, so in love. When I woke up she was gone, than the pit in my stomach and the reality of everything hit me really hard and I woke up crying and have cried 2x Moore. I love my son so much and a part of me feels guilty for longing for more.