Saturday, March 19, 2011

Getting back to the swing of things

Well this week at work is not quite as bad as I thought, although there were times after a delivery that I just wanted to start crying and there was a few times I felt so mad at the patient because I felt like they were not as appreciative to have a healthy baby as I would of been. But I would say overall it went ok. The worst part was the looks and pats on the back from everyone, even all the docs. It was nice to know they were thinking of me, but it was just hard to see the pity looks from everyone.  A coworker of mine told me she knew exactly how I felt because she had a tubal pregnancy, than continues to tell me that it was after she had her tubes tied for sterility. She really has no idea how I feel, the worst part of all this was loosing and having to take medication to end the pregnancy that I wanted more than anything.
I am still horrifically cramping and bleeding but my labs are down to 400's so I was pretty happy that they were going down, and I am starting to feel not as pregnant.
St. Patricks day was a hard day, it was the day that we were scheduled for our 10 week ultrasound, I had looked so foreword to it. I could not help but thinking all day of how happy we could of been that day, it was pretty tough.
Carson and DH make everyday a little easier for me and I love them so much for that, but I still feel like there is a little part of me missing and I don't know if that will ever go away.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Scared to death.

Well tomorrow is my first day back to work since my loss. I am so scarred how I am going to do. I had to hold back tears today at the play place with my son when out of the other 2 moms there one had a 5 week old and one was pregnant and booth had children the same age as my son. What am I going to do in the middle of a delivery?? Just start bawling?!?! Well see how this goes:-(