Saturday, March 19, 2011

Getting back to the swing of things

Well this week at work is not quite as bad as I thought, although there were times after a delivery that I just wanted to start crying and there was a few times I felt so mad at the patient because I felt like they were not as appreciative to have a healthy baby as I would of been. But I would say overall it went ok. The worst part was the looks and pats on the back from everyone, even all the docs. It was nice to know they were thinking of me, but it was just hard to see the pity looks from everyone.  A coworker of mine told me she knew exactly how I felt because she had a tubal pregnancy, than continues to tell me that it was after she had her tubes tied for sterility. She really has no idea how I feel, the worst part of all this was loosing and having to take medication to end the pregnancy that I wanted more than anything.
I am still horrifically cramping and bleeding but my labs are down to 400's so I was pretty happy that they were going down, and I am starting to feel not as pregnant.
St. Patricks day was a hard day, it was the day that we were scheduled for our 10 week ultrasound, I had looked so foreword to it. I could not help but thinking all day of how happy we could of been that day, it was pretty tough.
Carson and DH make everyday a little easier for me and I love them so much for that, but I still feel like there is a little part of me missing and I don't know if that will ever go away.


  1. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine having to work in L&D and see babies being born when your pain is still so raw and fresh. I retreated for weeks after my losses. ((HUG))

  2. I'm really sorry for your loss. I can completely relate to the first part of your history about wanting #2 and people telling you. At least you have one, be thankful for that. It's so hard. I wish you the best of luck.

  3. How completely devastating - I am so sorry the loss of this baby that was so dearly loved and wanted.
    Big hugs.

  4. I am so sorry for your loss. And I know, too, from experience that having one doesn't make losing the others any easier. *hugs* ... I hope that you are able to be kind to yourself, too.

  5. Thank you so much ladies, I just feel like I am constantly surrounded around my friends who have no idea how to relate, nice to know I'm not alone:-) your kind words mean alot

  6. I found your blog when looking for other Secondary Infertility blogs...

    I am sorry for your loss. I too suffered a miscarriage after wishing/hoping/praying many months for a 2nd child.

    I understand what you are going through! I am a new "follower!"