Rollercoaster

Well we were elated to find out we were pregnant after the iui, my hcg levels started low but after bleeding a little they still came up nicely. Last Friday I started cramping on one side again and went for an ultrasound and they saw what could of been an ectopic but no thing in the uterus, I was still early so they had me wait out the weekend and go again Monday. My hcg level had plummeted and they saw nothing on the ultrasound. The MFM thinks I had another ectopic that resolved it self. Before this happened I was on rest at home for 2 weeks due to the bleeding and was on progesterone suppositories as well. I just felt that in 3 weeks I have gone on an emotional rollercoaster. It is so hard to experience another loss when it took us another year to get here. But this time I do feel a little more at rest with it all. I think part of it is that it happened naturally, the ectopic last year just kept growing and growing and that was heartbreaking to know it was me or the baby and I still struggle with that a year later. I think another part is that every treatment that fails and every baby we loose it becomes more and more evident they Carson IS OUR miracle baby. We always knew he was a miracle from God but we are realizing just how amazing it really is that he is here.
My husband has been amazing, this weekend while we had to wait out the bad news was my birthday, I wanted to lay in bed and do nothing, but he insisted it would be good for me to get out of the house abd took me to see The Vow and sone shopping, and I was suppressed how much better it did make me feel.Carson puts a smile on my face every day also. We decided to tell him nothing about this baby until I started showing and I am glad we did not now. I could not take him being disappointed as well. I have been realizing that even though it is sad I still need to be a mom and wife. I gave a doctors appointment today to see where we go from here. So well see.